Oops!

In my work as a lawyer, I attend hearings at the county courthouse. In Texas, even licensed concealed-carry permit holders are not allowed to bring firearms into a courthouse. Not a problem. I took my gun out of my purse beforehand.

What I did not remember to do was take out the small plastic case containing twelve Gold Dot 9mm jacketed hollow point rounds inside. So when I put my purse through the x-ray scanner, Toni the Security Guard stared wide-eyed at the monitor for a long moment and then asked incredulously, "do you have bullets in your purse???"

The question took me by surprise and as I suddenly remembered that little plastic case, my boss and other attorneys looking on, I said slowly, "yeesssss...." I felt a sense of embarrassment akin to someone loudly pointing out that your fly is open. I started to wonder if I was about to be arrested or the object of some other unnecessary law enforcement overreaction.

Thankfully, all I had to do was leave the offending ammunition in her custody. When I returned to retrieve it on my way out of the courthouse, she told me all about how her dad and her husband each have an extensive collection of firearms.

What an icebreaker...

If only Biden had been wrong about this, too

Joe warned us that Obama would be tested within six months of taking office, and so far he's spot on. Iran and North Korea are competing over who will be the first to see just exactly how limp-wristed our super-fabulous new President is:

North Korea conducts underground nuclear test; readies three short-range rockets for launch
"Russian officials said the nuclear bomb that the North detonated underground Monday was comparable to those that obliterated Hiroshima and Nagasaki, raising fears that the communist country could spread such technology abroad.

In a further sign of the North's mounting standoff with the world, a report said the country was likely preparing to fire short-range missiles Tuesday off its western coast."

Iran, fresh from successful long-range missile test, dispatches six warships to the Gulf of Aden
"Iran has threatened to block the [nearby] strait of Hormuz, through which about 40 percent of the world's traded oil is shipped, if it were attacked over its nuclear program."

God, I just want to dig myself a bunker, crawl in it, and not come out for the next three and a half years.

Cultural Survival

And once I had recognized the taste of the crumb of madeleine soaked in her decoction of lime-flowers which my aunt used to give me . . . immediately the old grey house upon the street, where her room was, rose up like the scenery of a theatre to attach itself to the little pavilion, opening on to the garden, which had been built out behind it for my parents . . . and with the house the town, from morning to night and in all weathers, the Square where I was sent before luncheon, the streets along which I used to run errands, the country roads we took when it was fine. And just as the Japanese amuse themselves by filling a porcelain bowl with water and steeping in it little crumbs of paper which until then are without character or form, but, the moment they become wet, stretch themselves and bend, take on colour and distinctive shape, become flowers or houses or people, permanent and recognisable, so in that moment all the flowers in our garden and in M. Swann's park, and the water-lilies on the Vivonne and the good folk of the village and their little dwellings and the parish church and the whole of Combray and of its surroundings, taking their proper shapes and growing solid, sprang into being, town and gardens alike, all from my cup of tea.

- Marcel Proust (1871-1922), Remembrance of Things Past

After a Long Emergency, when the economy has begun to rise from the ashes of self-immolation, when there is some semblance of normalcy and people are no longer focused on obsessive thoughts of where their next meal will come from, your family will look around and wonder,

"How did Mom make pot roast?"

"Do you remember Grandma's pecan pie? Man, I wish I had a piece of that."

"I thought I remembered how to make this, but it just isn't turning out."

This is cultural survival, and if you really believe your family has a chance of surviving a crisis, it is important. Do not impoverish your children's future by allowing them to inherit a world in which they physically survive, but the memories and shared experiences that they have known and loved perish, never to be recovered.

In my Texan, barbecue-loving, deep-fat-frying family, only two generations removed from the farm that my grandfather grew up on, food is love made visible, a ritual that we re-enact every year as we come to the table to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. There are the black-eyed peas that my mother cooks every New Year's Day to bring us luck, served steaming over a golden slab of sweet cornbread to sop up the bacon-flavored broth. There is the rose-colored Christmas ham, encrusted in its sugary glaze, studded with fragrant cloves and bejeweled with translucent pineapple rings the color of sunshine and ruby-red maraschino cherries. And there is the pot roast, a humble piece of garlic-studded beef served with potatoes, onions and carrots roasted alongside, dressed with ivory ribbons of thick cream gravy flecked with pepper.

And there are the recipes that haven't survived. Two of my grandmother's recipes are gone, probably forever: her divinity, a temperamental meringue-like dessert made of egg whites and sugar that melted like a cloud on your tongue, and her corn souffle, kernels cut fresh from the cob, mixed with whole milk, obscene amounts of butter and somehow roasted in the oven until the middle was tender and the edges - my favorite - were brown and chewy.

I suspect most families' shared experience revolves around food. Even Jesus made a point of holding a Last Supper, now symbolically re-enacted weekly by millions of followers around the world who break bread together.

While you have the chance, please make a list of all the dishes that your family has made countless times over the years -- the ones you grew up with, the ones that you ask for every time you go home. Ask the resident Food Priest of your family to help you write down the recipes for these dishes, and then make them yourself. Trust me, you will think the recipe is clear until you are half-way into it, the pot is boiling on the stove, and suddenly you are grabbing the phone to speed-dial your mother to ask her why the gravy isn't thickening. You will understand exactly what you don't know, you can analyze why it didn't quite taste like mom's, and you will have the chance to hone your skills so that you can get it right -- now, and after the Long Emergency.

Knowledge survives best when written down and widely disseminated. Once you have your catalog of recipes, you can publish them and provide copies to every member of your family so that no matter what, the family culture will survive, despite time, distance, and separation.

A final thought from Marcel Proust:

"I think that life would suddenly seem wonderful to us if we were threatened to die as you say. Just think of how many projects, travels, love affairs, studies, it - our life - hides from us, made invisible by our laziness which, certain of a future, delays them incessantly.

But let all this threaten to become impossible for ever, how beautiful it would become again! Ah! If only the cataclysm doesn’t happen this time, we won’t miss visiting the new galleries of the Louvre, throwing ourselves at the feet of Miss X, making a trip to India.

The cataclysm doesn’t happen, we don’t do any of it, because we find ourselves back in the heart of normal life, where negligence deadens desire. And yet we shouldn’t have needed the cataclysm to love life today. It would have been enough to think that we are humans, and that death may come this evening.”

The Torture Debate: A Pointless Waste of Time

If you have a pulse and digest any news coverage whatsoever, it's been pretty difficult to avoid being force-fed a never-ending diet of news media debate over "is waterboarding torture?"

I personally don't care if waterboarding and other "enhanced interrogation techniques" ARE torture. I tend to think of torture as lying more along a continuum, anyway. The whole argument of "is it torture?" misses the point. It's just semantics. The point is, if a detainee has waged war against us and we believe he has high-level information, we should do whatever we need to in order to persuade him to talk.

This is similar to the "just war" theory (which was endorsed by the Vatican prior to the invasion of Iraq). How is it any different to make a decision to declare war, with all the attendant loss of life, in order to achieve larger peaceful goals, than to decide to inflict pain and suffering on an individual in the pursuit of saving lives?

If you are a liberal who is squeamish about giving Khalid Sheikh Mohammed a toilet-bowl swirlie, or putting a teensy-weensy caterpillar in Abu Zubaydah's cell (those sick bastards!), I have a simple solution for you: don't run for office or volunteer for the military. Running the freest nation in the world - although it becomes less free every single day - requires constant confrontation with evil, and that requires getting your hands dirty. There's a reason Presidents take the oath of office as virile young men and leave it four to eight years later white-haired and wizened.

Wow. I think I just dispatched this entire debate in thirty seconds or less. Which leads me to the real question: Why is this being endlessly hashed out in the media?

By the way -- I totally flabbergasted my friends about a month ago when we were discussing the issue and I matter of factly said, "I'm pro-torture." The room went quiet for about 5 loooong seconds. And they're a pretty chatty group. So next time you're at a cocktail party, I suggest you drop that little zinger and watch the hilarity that ensues.

I'll leave the reader with one parting thought. Saddam Hussein's men tortured innocent civilians, for fun, by doing things like skinning their face alive, or raping and executing a man's wife in front of him, then setting his beard on fire, then shooting his skull full of nails with a nail-gun. That is torture, people. Be incredibly grateful that you live here, and not there.

Related article: Obama and Cheney engage in Lincoln-Douglas debate on torture

The Empowered Woman: Less Pretty, More Fierce

I have considered myself to be a feminist since my pre-teen days. I grew up in a rural setting where an independent, strong, career-minded woman was not considered to be the most attractive thing. There were plenty of times the label "lesbian" was thrown at me because I valued studying over dating. Once, my opponent in high school debate class (who incidentally was the son of a local minister) ordered me to "go home and make his lunch." I'm not sure I'll ever forget that moment.

Feminists love to discuss "empowerment." By this they usually mean being financially self-sufficient; earning an income that is equal to or greater than that of their significant other's. It can mean valuing yourself as a person and not an object, as being more than a pretty face (although we usually objectify ourselves more than men ever could). Empowerment can also mean prioritizing career or education, or simply having the freedom now to make choices that our mothers and grandmothers did not have.

These are all valid, but I think it's time to discuss a new variety of empowerment. From time immemorial, women have been the keepers of the hearth and the protectors of the home. Pioneer women knew how to shoot marauding coyotes in between putting the harvest by and mending the family clothes. Japanese women historically were as versed in self-protection as their samurai husbands. My own mother has the ability to shoot without hesitation or remorse anyone who threatens the safety of any one of her family. (Knowing her, she'd probably have a bit of swagger afterwards. "All seven rounds, center mass!!!") They have all known that you cannot always count on the husband to be around when a threat materializes.

I'm not minimizing the mens' contribution to the home; their role in the family is irreplaceable. But the entire responsibility cannot fall on their shoulders. I'd like to see women quit pouting about their cellulite and idolizing Manolo Blahniks and get serious about their role as the defender of the family. The money they spend collecting all six (seven? who gives a shit?) seasons of Sex and the City on DVD would be better spent at the firing range.

Women ought to take seriously their responsibility to defend their homes and children from anyone who does not have their best interests at heart - physically, and lethally if necessary.

They should take responsibility for ensuring their families are fed, clothed, and sheltered no matter what our nation's economic future holds.

They should be interested in learning how to care for and comfort their families when no doctor is around and no medicine is available.

They should be wise stewards of the family finances, directing the money towards lasting safety and security, or towards alleviating the suffering of others, rather than towards status items or indulgences.

And lastly, they should be proactive, alongside their spouses, in instilling in their children spiritual faith and discipline that will lead them to become responsible, self-sufficient, contributing members of society as adults.

That, I think, is worth a hell of a lot more than a bitchin' Fendi bag and some Botox injections. And, just my opinion, it's sexier too.

Image: Hangaku Gozen (aka Itagaki), Genpei War-era female samurai, circa 1200. From the Library of Congress Prints Collection.

Texas Senate passes concealed-carry for college students; bill is not law just yet

The Houston Chronicle is reporting the passage in the state Senate of a measure that would allow college students to carry concealed weapons on college campuses; private institutions would be able to opt out. Students would be required to be over the age of 21 and to possess a concealed-carry license.

The House has until midnight Tuesday to pass the measure into law.

Totally sweet. [/end Cartman] One step closer to my dream of an open-carry society.

Iran test launch of medium-range missile successful

From Fox News:

U.S. government officials confirmed Iran's provocative long-range missile test Wednesday as they worked to study details of the launch.

"At this point it appears Iran launched a medium ranged ballistic missile and the test appears successful," a government official, speaking on condition of anonymity, told FOX News.

The U.S. official said the Pentagon is trying to determine the missile's range, trajectory and other details about the solid-fuel Sajjil-2 surface-to-surface missile Iran launched Wednesday.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said the launch was a successful test-firing of a new advanced missile with a range of about 1,200 miles -- capable of reaching Israel and U.S. Mideast bases.

It is a new version of the Sajjil missile, which Iran said it had successfully tested late last year with a similar range. Many analysts said the launch of the Sajjil was significant because solid fuel missiles are more accurate than liquid fuel missiles of similar range, such as Iran's Shahab-3.

"Defense Minister (Mostafa Mohammad Najjar) has informed me that the Sajjil-2 missile, which has very advanced technology, was launched from Semnan and it landed precisely on the target," state radio quoted Ahmadinejad as saying. He spoke during a visit to the city of Semnan, 125 miles east of the capital Tehran, where Iran's space program is centered.

The announcement comes less than a month before Iran's presidential election and just two days after President Obama declared a readiness to seek deeper international sanctions against Tehran if it did not respond positively to U.S. attempts to open negotiations on its nuclear program.